I'm about to get philosophical and go on a teenage-rant,bare with me.
It's interesting, the way people think. You spend time getting to know them and still there is much you might never know. Some people believe that a person's past is behind them, but is it really? Their choices then(the past) influence their future choices. They might say that one girlfriend was a mistake, that the situation was undesirable, but might they not pick a future mate that is exactly the same? As I type this blog, it occurs to me that, since the time I started dating, I have been attracted to the same kind of guy. The guy who has all of the comic book geek-confidence/knowledge in the world but is trying to be something that they think is expected of them. Whether it is to go to college, run a business, be something their father could not be for them, or be "the" man, their goals, usually subconscious, keep them from seeing the future clearly. It blinds them. Again and again, the men I put time and effort into fit this ideal. (In writing this, I hope to teach myself a lesson. Stand back a little longer, observe a little more, and only go for men who are already successful maybe?)
And its a little silly too, not being able to see this (the scope of which is anywhere from two months to two and a half years) because they all have the same tell-tale signs. When I meet them, there is usually a girl they like of which there is unfinished business. But, since the past isn't suppose to matter, I don't ask. These characters play out into our conversations, either as part of a circle of college friends or the girl that is dating/married to their good friend. The point is that, for some reason, my friends can have a hunch about these women- long before they might become a problem- but I find myself continuously blindsided. They(my friends) might off-handedly tell me their concerns, but I want to give these guys a fair chance. In the most recent case, I asked the guy I was into about a girl in his profile picture- whether he was into her or not- because my friend said that was a red flag for her. In honest, he told me in detail why she was not his type. What I didn't know, what that a girl (in a closer pair of his married friends) was.
And usually when it all comes out, they still try to justify their decisions to you. "I wasn't lying to you. Everything I said to you was honest right up until..." that moment when it isn't. When suddenly the "other woman", the one that blindsides me, shares her feelings. She just can't hold her feelings for him any longer, so she tells him, and he caves because he secretly wanted her as well. Be it Christmas tree hunting with her family, about to move to New Mexico for a job, or freshly with a baby and a divorce, they make a move. Just before he is about to go on a date, move into our first apartment, prove he is a changed man- at any of these stages, she shows up and overrides any progress he and I have made.
And these guys think that it makes logical sense to lace their "sorry"s with their deep feelings for this new girl, as if it will make everything "click" to you. To tell you how much this girl means to them, that they have been there(waiting in the sidelines) for a while, biding their time until their husband, boyfriend, job, etc. allows this girl to come back to them. The worst part? You know they fear their new relationship will be doomed- subconsciously to them- because they ask you, in one form or another, to be friends. You didn't mean enough to them to continue down a path with you, but they want you to forgive them and continue being the awesome/cute/fun friend. The smart thing here, is to say no. At least 3 out of 5 times, I have stayed true and bowed out. It is tough, to come to this decision, but typically they do not really want to be friends(it was a pleasantry) or they are keeping you as a secret back-up. Either way, it hurts like hell to watch them with someone else, whether it was this girl or an entirely new one. But it is a bit easier this time because he fell for the girl with a kid. Not my cup of tea. The baby-mama drama and/or babies in general.
At the end of all of this, I find myself more glad for England and Scotland. I don't think I will want to come back this summer, but when I am there I at least want to see if I can meet a man- not a boy like these others- that proves to me there is something else out there. It would be wonderful if these men could come in the form of David Tennant, Kit Harrington, or Bennedict Cumberbatch. Anyways, as I infuse humour into this situation, I realize that there are men outside of my home-state and the more I travel the more I will likely see them. Better still, I realize that maybe I am not ready to date because the men from 22-25 are complete idiots; they have not accomplished anything with their life. You know what they say, women mature faster than men.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Don't You Miss Typewriters?
First I want to start off by saying thank you for over 1000 pageviews. While it isn't followers, I definitely feel noticed. As long as someone is reading, that's enough for me.
In bigger news, I completed the first year of my masters program last night. While the grades aren't all in- I am waiting on the presentation I gave last night(more on that in a minute) and a reflection paper of my Collection Development class- I can safely say I passed. I still remember last summer when I began writing about my thoughts towards graduate school. My concerns, my hopes, the idea of going back for school while having senioritis. And now here I am. "A"s in most of my classes, a member of the Student ALA, worker of(now two, I finally quit Dunkin Donuts, which made three) part time jobs, I have been to several "Rhode Island only" places, like Fat Belly's Pub, O'Brien's pub, and OrangeLeaf. Okay, well OrangeLeaf(a fro-yo shop) isn't in Maine so, to me, it's a Rhode Island thing. I have completed six courses, with five or six more to go. I have paid my tuition to attend King's College in England for a summer course. I'm finishing the paperwork for a Digital Literacy internship this fall. I still get along with my roommate. And I am "in-like"(also known as a crush) with someone back home, which is funny because I don't spend that much time in Maine since I moved down here.
So, like I said, my last course for this first year was last night. It was great- seven people presenting for 15 minutes a-piece on a project in which they organized some type of information. For me, I created a comic book store, called The Comic Vault(yes that's now my copyright) and told the story of a man "who recently came into money" and bought an old borders. I made it all up, but the narrative was necessary to transition from my initial Case Study to my paper(or research). I split it into four rooms, as opposed to a full, open floor of space. I gave it nerd-motifs and basically tried to convince people that comic book stores aren't dead, they just have to try new things- like selling Doctor Who merchandise or hosting a gaming night. Not so new, but highly overlooked.
At one point there was a presenter who talked about the concept of a "Writing Gym" and how he might have a free-write station, of which would have a typewriter. This got my roommate and I talking on the carpool home. We more or less felt it was a lost art of sorts, not having used our mother's typewriters since we were kids. (My mum use to sell Mary Kay in the late 90s and, since we didn't have a computer at the time(IKNOWRIGHT!) she used a typewriter for work. I used it for fun. Until she taught me how to erase the type, at which point I went through two erases and I don't remember playing with it after that.) So in memory of typewriters, I wrote this blog in courier.
Last on the menu, I wanted to let you know you can look forward to more book reviews, and maybe a few movies as well, because I will be reading plenty of Young Adult literature in preparation for my Young Adult Public Library course this fall. (30 books + 13 weeks = start now) Luckily, I have read some in recent times and remember plenty, but I want to read more. This class will be a great excuse. First on my list are Divergent and The Disaster Diaries: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Apocalypse. The Great Gatsby will be coming out soon, so I might reread that as well as watch it. Now You See Me is due out soon as well as Iron Man 3 and others. I am also attending free comic book day, so whatever I get for free I will read and tell you my thoughts.
I think that's about it for now. Back to work!
In bigger news, I completed the first year of my masters program last night. While the grades aren't all in- I am waiting on the presentation I gave last night(more on that in a minute) and a reflection paper of my Collection Development class- I can safely say I passed. I still remember last summer when I began writing about my thoughts towards graduate school. My concerns, my hopes, the idea of going back for school while having senioritis. And now here I am. "A"s in most of my classes, a member of the Student ALA, worker of(now two, I finally quit Dunkin Donuts, which made three) part time jobs, I have been to several "Rhode Island only" places, like Fat Belly's Pub, O'Brien's pub, and OrangeLeaf. Okay, well OrangeLeaf(a fro-yo shop) isn't in Maine so, to me, it's a Rhode Island thing. I have completed six courses, with five or six more to go. I have paid my tuition to attend King's College in England for a summer course. I'm finishing the paperwork for a Digital Literacy internship this fall. I still get along with my roommate. And I am "in-like"(also known as a crush) with someone back home, which is funny because I don't spend that much time in Maine since I moved down here.
So, like I said, my last course for this first year was last night. It was great- seven people presenting for 15 minutes a-piece on a project in which they organized some type of information. For me, I created a comic book store, called The Comic Vault(yes that's now my copyright) and told the story of a man "who recently came into money" and bought an old borders. I made it all up, but the narrative was necessary to transition from my initial Case Study to my paper(or research). I split it into four rooms, as opposed to a full, open floor of space. I gave it nerd-motifs and basically tried to convince people that comic book stores aren't dead, they just have to try new things- like selling Doctor Who merchandise or hosting a gaming night. Not so new, but highly overlooked.
At one point there was a presenter who talked about the concept of a "Writing Gym" and how he might have a free-write station, of which would have a typewriter. This got my roommate and I talking on the carpool home. We more or less felt it was a lost art of sorts, not having used our mother's typewriters since we were kids. (My mum use to sell Mary Kay in the late 90s and, since we didn't have a computer at the time(IKNOWRIGHT!) she used a typewriter for work. I used it for fun. Until she taught me how to erase the type, at which point I went through two erases and I don't remember playing with it after that.) So in memory of typewriters, I wrote this blog in courier.
Last on the menu, I wanted to let you know you can look forward to more book reviews, and maybe a few movies as well, because I will be reading plenty of Young Adult literature in preparation for my Young Adult Public Library course this fall. (30 books + 13 weeks = start now) Luckily, I have read some in recent times and remember plenty, but I want to read more. This class will be a great excuse. First on my list are Divergent and The Disaster Diaries: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Apocalypse. The Great Gatsby will be coming out soon, so I might reread that as well as watch it. Now You See Me is due out soon as well as Iron Man 3 and others. I am also attending free comic book day, so whatever I get for free I will read and tell you my thoughts.
I think that's about it for now. Back to work!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Lost in Austen
Yes I know it's not clever. Yes I know it's the title of a movie- I just watched it. And yes, I know every other woman has already felt what I'm feeling because I myself have been there too. At least a few times.
This evening my friend Kim introduced my roommate and I to a film called Lost in Austen. It has many memorable faces, one of which is Alex Kingston and the other two are Jemima Rooper and Christina Cole. I am a big fan of novel adaptations that are done well and by adaptation I do not mean novel to film, word for word. Here I simply mean that these ideas from the novel transpire in a fashion to the film (or tv) that we might not expect. Typically, the contemporary ones grab my attention. For example, I would classify Sherlock under this and love the show immensely. Once Upon a Time also does this and, again, I have seen every single episode. Now and again, a film does this and is quite good. As is the case of Lost in Austen. Mr. Darcy might not be my ideal mate(GASP!). I think I am more of a fan of Mr. Bingley. But both of them have a swooning courtship and they end up with their ideal mates.(The film twists this a bit, but it's okay because we identify with Amanda Price.) And I think that's why most women get lost in the works of Jane Austen.
Now I have been to Bath, England. And it is stunning. The Roman Baths are full of history. I know this is where Austen spent much of her time writing, and it is reference in the text. But it has nothing to do with what my mind is truly thinking. No, my mind is still stuck on the idea of honest romance. The picture she paints we find ourselves crying when love is denied and overjoyed when everything clicks into place.
When a woman reads an Austen novel, their favourite likely being that of Pride and Prejudice, they are instantly swept up in feelings of desire, passion, and courtship. The Austen era, while maybe a bit too focused on the who knows who or the attention to a monetary marriage, is still a world we desire to be in. We read these books, or watch these movies, and this is exactly how many of us live. Pinterest allows us to give our lives organization and an expression of what trends we would like to adhere to(an app I use often). Facebook allows us to "be up on" the who's who and we find ourselves looking to money in our perspective careers. The women of today are independent, thank god, so it's not that we need a man's money(unlike Austen's marriages) but we desire the passion that these characters feel. With texting we have almost lost site of letters, or what once might have been a phone call. And when a text is not received promptly, we carry on as if someone has slighted us. We don't take our time anymore, exploring the depths of a person(also known as courting) but instead we expect things to be instantaneous. I too fall guilty to this, I get it. For crying out loud, I've been talking to a guy for a few weeks and just when I have started telling my closest friends about him, he goes MIA for the weekend. All of this started to dawn on me throughout the movie. WHen it began, my friends were talking about how confusing men were. I kept quiet, which they noticed, because I am so in the middle of what I should be thinking. My friend looked to me, she also knowing of my "courtship" and said "well I guess not you though, huh?" and I said, "well I don't know what to think about not hearing from someone for a weekend." By the end of the film, the only thing I could think was that the romance of the movie seemed so simple.
Part of me thinks on how I want that courtship, but the other part of me is caught up in my desire of this man and I find myself wanting constant connection via mobile. And I hate that feeling. Not the desire for a person- that's quite fun- but the inability to not overthink when a person takes their time responding to me. I constantly rant about how (women especially) cannot unplug when they are spending "quality time" with their friends. When out to dinner or watching a movie, there are screens constantly separating that connection between the people. Often times we call this multitasking, but I feel that it's more that we've become unable to come to terms that something might happen if we leave the social media behind for a night. I digress... And what's more, for someone coming around to the idea of letting someone in their lives again, relationship or no, trusting someone new is hard for me; it's even harder to know when I'm being crazy about my expectations of that person. (If you've read my earlier blog posts, say this summer, that might make some sense. A quick recap: I don't trust easy anymore. I find myself constantly worrying about when someone will become tired of me because it has happened more times than...)
I think my want to start romancing again is something I can relate to the works of Austen or at least the movie I saw tonight based on her works. I feel like I can relate with Amanda Price, I'm a little out of touch with some of the women around me but, in the end, we just want to be loved and in love. So, do we let that curiosity for another person come out of our lips? Or do we play it cool and undemanding? Seemingly letting others act upon us. And that, dear readers, is how the mind of a woman works. Do I know if the mystery of where this guy went for the weekend is simple, no? But I want to keep reading anyways.
This evening my friend Kim introduced my roommate and I to a film called Lost in Austen. It has many memorable faces, one of which is Alex Kingston and the other two are Jemima Rooper and Christina Cole. I am a big fan of novel adaptations that are done well and by adaptation I do not mean novel to film, word for word. Here I simply mean that these ideas from the novel transpire in a fashion to the film (or tv) that we might not expect. Typically, the contemporary ones grab my attention. For example, I would classify Sherlock under this and love the show immensely. Once Upon a Time also does this and, again, I have seen every single episode. Now and again, a film does this and is quite good. As is the case of Lost in Austen. Mr. Darcy might not be my ideal mate(GASP!). I think I am more of a fan of Mr. Bingley. But both of them have a swooning courtship and they end up with their ideal mates.(The film twists this a bit, but it's okay because we identify with Amanda Price.) And I think that's why most women get lost in the works of Jane Austen.
Now I have been to Bath, England. And it is stunning. The Roman Baths are full of history. I know this is where Austen spent much of her time writing, and it is reference in the text. But it has nothing to do with what my mind is truly thinking. No, my mind is still stuck on the idea of honest romance. The picture she paints we find ourselves crying when love is denied and overjoyed when everything clicks into place.
When a woman reads an Austen novel, their favourite likely being that of Pride and Prejudice, they are instantly swept up in feelings of desire, passion, and courtship. The Austen era, while maybe a bit too focused on the who knows who or the attention to a monetary marriage, is still a world we desire to be in. We read these books, or watch these movies, and this is exactly how many of us live. Pinterest allows us to give our lives organization and an expression of what trends we would like to adhere to(an app I use often). Facebook allows us to "be up on" the who's who and we find ourselves looking to money in our perspective careers. The women of today are independent, thank god, so it's not that we need a man's money(unlike Austen's marriages) but we desire the passion that these characters feel. With texting we have almost lost site of letters, or what once might have been a phone call. And when a text is not received promptly, we carry on as if someone has slighted us. We don't take our time anymore, exploring the depths of a person(also known as courting) but instead we expect things to be instantaneous. I too fall guilty to this, I get it. For crying out loud, I've been talking to a guy for a few weeks and just when I have started telling my closest friends about him, he goes MIA for the weekend. All of this started to dawn on me throughout the movie. WHen it began, my friends were talking about how confusing men were. I kept quiet, which they noticed, because I am so in the middle of what I should be thinking. My friend looked to me, she also knowing of my "courtship" and said "well I guess not you though, huh?" and I said, "well I don't know what to think about not hearing from someone for a weekend." By the end of the film, the only thing I could think was that the romance of the movie seemed so simple.
Part of me thinks on how I want that courtship, but the other part of me is caught up in my desire of this man and I find myself wanting constant connection via mobile. And I hate that feeling. Not the desire for a person- that's quite fun- but the inability to not overthink when a person takes their time responding to me. I constantly rant about how (women especially) cannot unplug when they are spending "quality time" with their friends. When out to dinner or watching a movie, there are screens constantly separating that connection between the people. Often times we call this multitasking, but I feel that it's more that we've become unable to come to terms that something might happen if we leave the social media behind for a night. I digress... And what's more, for someone coming around to the idea of letting someone in their lives again, relationship or no, trusting someone new is hard for me; it's even harder to know when I'm being crazy about my expectations of that person. (If you've read my earlier blog posts, say this summer, that might make some sense. A quick recap: I don't trust easy anymore. I find myself constantly worrying about when someone will become tired of me because it has happened more times than...)
I think my want to start romancing again is something I can relate to the works of Austen or at least the movie I saw tonight based on her works. I feel like I can relate with Amanda Price, I'm a little out of touch with some of the women around me but, in the end, we just want to be loved and in love. So, do we let that curiosity for another person come out of our lips? Or do we play it cool and undemanding? Seemingly letting others act upon us. And that, dear readers, is how the mind of a woman works. Do I know if the mystery of where this guy went for the weekend is simple, no? But I want to keep reading anyways.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
What Do Iron Man, Captain America, and Green Arrow Have in Common?
Today's blog is about theories. Now hang in there, don't click away. I got thinking yesterday, as I watched Supernatural Saturday, that maybe there can be a lot to tell about a man when he admits his favourite comic book hero. That's the one thing all my love interests, exes and crushes alike, have had in common; A love of comic books. It might not be all of them, it might just be DC Comics or Marvel but there is a clear winner in their minds. I'd really like to figure this out.
So, my first boyfriend (from the summer going into my high school freshman year) was a big fan of Iron Man. In fact, the second time we dated he had gone out to Phoenix and claimed to have started up a project with some buddies where they were trying to recreate the Iron Man suit(from the first movie). Nerds, nerds with computer science. What are Iron Man's qualities? Well, the Avengers movie dubbed them quite well: billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. He's quite invested in technology which has made him quite a lot of money. He has been known to have many women, until he starts to settle down for Pepper Potts. Did my ex share these qualities with Iron Man? Yes and no. He was no billionaire, but he dreamed of working for Google...and running his own computer firm..and this job and that job. So rather than develop and enhance humanity, he would rather get ahead in life for himself. Like Tony Stark, he shared a large ego and practiced his "charm" with many women. This desire, combined with many other things, led to us dating and breaking up three times. Besides, I am no Pepper Potts. And they don't even end up together in the comics.
Let's flash forward to college, when I started to have a sense of what I wanted in a boyfriend. My first college boyfriend loved Captain America. Oddly enough, the man I dated after him(and consequentally my last college boyfriend) also had Captain America as his favourite. Captain America in the film that came out, from what I can tell, is the same in the comics. The origin of Captain America is that he has a love of his country but is not viewed as the right kind of soldier for the Army. Not giving up on his drive, he descovers the Super Soldier initiative and thus becomes the Cap we know today. So what does that have to do with my college exes? Well the first ex was studying to be a history teacher and decided that he was going to do whatever it took to get there: even if it meant moving out of state and not starting a family anytime soon. We broke up after a few months, as his graduation date was coming up and mine was not for another two and a half years. Looking back as a five year older version of myself, I can respect that drive as I myself am going to graduate school to pursue my passion for the library.
The last guy I dated in college, I think, wantedd to aspire to be Captain America. He was the first in his family, for some time, to go to college. But what did he want to do? He began college before I got there, left before we met. When we started dating, a few months in he came back and tried again. Alas, what he wanted to do for a career was a taboo topic and I had to simply watch as he was forced to leave college a second time. He stayed in our college town and watched many of our friends graduate, which tested our relationship more than once. As I was about to graduate, looking to move in with a man I could see a future with, he proposed a new solution: a break-up. He was moving out of state and our two and a half years were finished. While he looked to Captain America as an idol, it was not because he saw himself behind Cap's shield, but because he wanted to see himself there but couldn't figure out the how.
These sorts of observations have led me to believe that there is much comic books can tell us about ourselves. They are suppose to resonate with us on some level, intended for alluring many kinds of people, and that's why there are so many different ones. While I don't know what my love of Spiderman says about me, I can't help but wonder what Green Arrow says about my new crush. At this point I know barely anything about the Green Arrow but I can promise you one thing: I am going to be doing my research. This includes Smallville, the CW show Arrow, and multiple pages of reading.
And this is what happens when you have English as your undergraduate.
So, my first boyfriend (from the summer going into my high school freshman year) was a big fan of Iron Man. In fact, the second time we dated he had gone out to Phoenix and claimed to have started up a project with some buddies where they were trying to recreate the Iron Man suit(from the first movie). Nerds, nerds with computer science. What are Iron Man's qualities? Well, the Avengers movie dubbed them quite well: billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. He's quite invested in technology which has made him quite a lot of money. He has been known to have many women, until he starts to settle down for Pepper Potts. Did my ex share these qualities with Iron Man? Yes and no. He was no billionaire, but he dreamed of working for Google...and running his own computer firm..and this job and that job. So rather than develop and enhance humanity, he would rather get ahead in life for himself. Like Tony Stark, he shared a large ego and practiced his "charm" with many women. This desire, combined with many other things, led to us dating and breaking up three times. Besides, I am no Pepper Potts. And they don't even end up together in the comics.
Let's flash forward to college, when I started to have a sense of what I wanted in a boyfriend. My first college boyfriend loved Captain America. Oddly enough, the man I dated after him(and consequentally my last college boyfriend) also had Captain America as his favourite. Captain America in the film that came out, from what I can tell, is the same in the comics. The origin of Captain America is that he has a love of his country but is not viewed as the right kind of soldier for the Army. Not giving up on his drive, he descovers the Super Soldier initiative and thus becomes the Cap we know today. So what does that have to do with my college exes? Well the first ex was studying to be a history teacher and decided that he was going to do whatever it took to get there: even if it meant moving out of state and not starting a family anytime soon. We broke up after a few months, as his graduation date was coming up and mine was not for another two and a half years. Looking back as a five year older version of myself, I can respect that drive as I myself am going to graduate school to pursue my passion for the library.
The last guy I dated in college, I think, wantedd to aspire to be Captain America. He was the first in his family, for some time, to go to college. But what did he want to do? He began college before I got there, left before we met. When we started dating, a few months in he came back and tried again. Alas, what he wanted to do for a career was a taboo topic and I had to simply watch as he was forced to leave college a second time. He stayed in our college town and watched many of our friends graduate, which tested our relationship more than once. As I was about to graduate, looking to move in with a man I could see a future with, he proposed a new solution: a break-up. He was moving out of state and our two and a half years were finished. While he looked to Captain America as an idol, it was not because he saw himself behind Cap's shield, but because he wanted to see himself there but couldn't figure out the how.
These sorts of observations have led me to believe that there is much comic books can tell us about ourselves. They are suppose to resonate with us on some level, intended for alluring many kinds of people, and that's why there are so many different ones. While I don't know what my love of Spiderman says about me, I can't help but wonder what Green Arrow says about my new crush. At this point I know barely anything about the Green Arrow but I can promise you one thing: I am going to be doing my research. This includes Smallville, the CW show Arrow, and multiple pages of reading.
And this is what happens when you have English as your undergraduate.
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