Relations, Not Relationships

I'm about to get philosophical and go on a teenage-rant,bare with me.

It's interesting, the way people think.  You spend time getting to know them and still there is much you might never know.  Some people believe that a person's past is behind them, but is it really?  Their choices then(the past) influence their future choices.  They might say that one girlfriend was a mistake, that the situation was undesirable, but might they not pick a future mate that is exactly the same?  As I type this blog, it occurs to me that, since the time I started dating, I have been attracted to the same kind of guy.  The guy who has all of the comic book geek-confidence/knowledge in the world but is trying to be something that they think is expected of them.  Whether it is to go to college, run a business, be something their father could not be for them, or be "the" man, their goals, usually subconscious, keep them from seeing the future clearly.  It blinds them.  Again and again, the men I put time and effort into fit this ideal. (In writing this, I hope to teach myself a lesson.  Stand back a little longer, observe a little more, and only go for men who are already successful maybe?)

And its a little silly too, not being able to see this (the scope of which is anywhere from two months to two and a half years) because they all have the same tell-tale signs.  When I meet them, there is usually a girl they like of which there is unfinished business.  But, since the past isn't suppose to matter, I don't ask. These characters play out into our conversations, either as part of a circle of college friends or the girl that is dating/married to their good friend.  The point is that, for some reason, my friends can have a hunch about these women- long before they might become a problem- but I find myself continuously blindsided.  They(my friends) might off-handedly tell me their concerns, but I want to give these guys a fair chance.  In the most recent case, I asked the guy I was into about a girl in his profile picture- whether he was into her or not- because my friend said that was a red flag for her.  In honest, he told me in detail why she was not his type.  What I didn't know, what that a girl (in a closer pair of his married friends) was. 

And usually when it all comes out, they still try to justify their decisions to you.  "I wasn't lying to you.  Everything I said to you was honest right up until..." that moment when it isn't.  When suddenly the "other woman", the one that blindsides me, shares her feelings.  She just can't hold her feelings for him any longer, so she tells him, and he caves because he secretly wanted her as well.  Be it Christmas tree hunting with her family, about to move to New Mexico for a job, or freshly with a baby and a divorce, they make a move.  Just before he is about to go on a date, move into our first apartment, prove he is a changed man- at any of these stages, she shows up and overrides any progress he and I have made.  

And these guys think that it makes logical sense to lace their "sorry"s with their deep feelings for this new girl, as if it will make everything "click" to you.  To tell you how much this girl means to them, that they have been there(waiting in the sidelines) for a while, biding their time until their husband, boyfriend, job, etc. allows this girl to come back to them.  The worst part?  You know they fear their new relationship will be doomed- subconsciously to them- because they ask you, in one form or another, to be friends.  You didn't mean enough to them to continue down a path with you, but they want you to forgive them and continue being the awesome/cute/fun friend.   The smart thing here, is to say no.  At least 3 out of 5 times, I have stayed true and bowed out.  It is tough, to come to this decision, but typically they do not really want to be friends(it was a pleasantry) or they are keeping you as a secret back-up.  Either way, it hurts like hell to watch them with someone else, whether it was this girl or an entirely new one.  But it is a bit easier this time because he fell for the girl with a kid.  Not my cup of tea.  The baby-mama drama and/or babies in general.

At the end of all of this, I find myself more glad for England and Scotland.  I don't think I will want to come back this summer, but when I am there I at least want to see if I can meet a man- not a boy like these others- that proves to me there is something else out there.  It would be wonderful if these men could come in the form of David Tennant, Kit Harrington, or Bennedict Cumberbatch.  Anyways, as I infuse humour into this situation, I realize that there are men outside of my home-state and the more I travel the more I will likely see them.  Better still, I realize that maybe I am not ready to date because the men from 22-25 are complete idiots; they have not accomplished anything with their life.  You know what they say, women mature faster than men.