Christmas Comes in Pairs

     Christmas is a strange time of year.  When I was little, it meant two days of festivities followed by my birthday four days later.  Christmas Eve Mass, meat pie(the french way), and one gift for Christmas Eve.  Then, all of the family(complete with crazy children) the day of.  Nowadays, I have a new and more closely knit family.  There are still two days to the holiday, and plenty of prepping beforehand(this includes ABCFamily specials as well as mall browsing for displays) .  None of this is what I want to blog about, the fact that I feel happier and closer to my new step-family goes without saying.  No, what I want to blog about is the idea of pairing up at Christmas.
     I read a Cosmopolitan article about this.  It was, oddly enough, the December issue.  The article was written like it was aimed right at me.  It talked about how many movies you see at Christmas, or sledding/ice skating/hot cocoa-ing by the fire, and how the Christmas season makes you feel like you're suppose to have that 'special someone' for Christmas & New Years Eve.  That feeling that if you're not with someone, a sort of moral support, then you could face all sort of singles questions or be left out.  I liked the article and here's why- it told me that all of that is bullshit crazy.  You can go into November, like me, single, strong, and independent, and come into December with the same attitude.  But, by the time you see that first Christmas engagement add(you know the one) you sit there and the subliminal message starts to sink in.  Do you realize at first 'I think I need to have someone?'-no, but eventually it can become consuming.  This affirming article that I am not crazy about how I feel at Christmas was nice, but Gods has it not sunk in.
      Cosmo told me that I am still that strong woman, but here I am.  I go to class, work, the gym, or the movies(insert activity here) alone, just as I normally would.  Then December hits.  The weird thing is that, these last two years, I was in a relationship.  However, neither of us wanted to budge when it came to our family so, rather than trying to make the 3 1/2- 4hr drive work, we just did our own Christmas traditions.  In a sense, I was "single" or at least everyone asked about how John* and I were doing.  Maybe, while we've been broken up for a while now, it could be that I remembered that this Christmas we were going to be amongst my family.  Thanksgiving at one place and then Christmas at the other person's.  In March, all of this changed- so even Thanksgiving was solo.  But, alas, something feels like it is missing this December.  And my mind is trying to tell me it is a man.
     Even as I watch SNL's Christmas Episode this evening, I was just sang to by Martin Short that it is the 'lustiest time of the year.'  Don't get me wrong, I am still very excited for this episode, but it still has me pondering.  You're suppose to be coupled up, right?  
     Or maybe I am just wanting to be in England already.  While I haven't requested for acceptance yet, the plans on my school's end are underway.  I am trying to wait another week before just shipping off $250.  Anyways..those Scottish men are beckoning in my fantasies. 
      I'm a steady girl, normally.  I have met many people here and have become close with a few of them.  Similarly, though, I feel a little separated from my friends back home and, on the other hand, my move out of Maine has made me realize that I gave up a lot of people during the last few years.  As a result, I'm trying to make coffee plans with an ex, trying to reconnect with an on YM friend, and trying to get to a pub with an old theatre chum.  My ex is as busy as ever(so we'll see) and my old friend feels more distant than ever.  Perhaps that ship has sailed, but since we don't live far away and I will be home for a while, I want to try.  As far as the theatre mate, its a matter of picking a day.  
     I'm not sure where my head's at.  The best I can hope for is to cool my jets and connect with as many people as I can while I am home, and then see how I feel.   
     And for tonight, I am going to watch SNL and try not to go to extremes with this notion.  

*name has been changed