Tiks

   Do you ever get the feeling the universe is trying to tell you something? This thought pattern started last week. In order to afford my rent for my Rhode Island apartment this fall, I am working three jobs. One of which I love(the library), one of which I hate(Dunkin Donuts), and one of which I do just because(cleaning my aunt's house).  Anyways, last Monday I had just about had it with Dunkin. They don't communicate, my co-workers tell me how I perform instead of my boss, and I am stuck with once a week closing shifts. Then Monday comes around and many people are extra pleasant with me. But it was one guy that stood out that night, just your average Joe, and he said 'you are much more pleasant than the other workers here.' I thanked him, but it really threw me. Were my efforts to stay at Dunkin really paying off? While things are still iffy there and it won't be until August that I tell them I am moving on, there are other developments. Last Saturday, I met a kitten outside of a friend's apartment I was staying at. Maybe three months old, I pet it(not knowing at the time how to determine the gender) and it won me over. I found it strange for this kitten to be out, gorgeous and well groomed,wearing a flea collar but no tags. Then I tried to leave for my car, meeting my folks for breakfast, but the kitten wanted to come. I called Ahnna downstairs and asked her to hold it while I drove off. She thought it was strange for it to be outside too. Leaving that day to help het dad, she set the kitten where we found it, but when she returned that night it was still their! So, she took it inside, fed it and gave it water, and had an apartment mate for the night. This kitten is super smart, uses the litterbox and everything. Since Saturday we have made two discoveries. It is a she- I want to name her Nora- and she is deaf. No I'm not talking about you call her and she doesn't care, its more like an alarm goes off by her head or you clap and her ears don't flinch. With the urban traffic of Farmington, I am glad just to be her watcher-aunt. We are going to put up signs around town and have already made Facebook posts. I will be heartbroken when she leaves...
...the last note to this random blog post is about a dream I had the other night. I won't go into detail because it wad a sex dream, but it threw me off because it was about an ex that I havent seen or thought about in four years. The guy, JD*, and I didn't end things well- leaving me for another girl and having caught him in the act of cheating this time- needless to say the third time was not the charm. But JD was still my first boyfriend, and first of everything after the third time of dating.
   We first dated in my freshman year of high school. JD was charming and we had we lot in common, but a few months in he found someone else. Then two years later we started trying to be friends again, only to discover that wasn't us. Not only did his being around distract me from giving anyone new a chance, but he was only around for two months before he called it quits again. Then two more years passed, I had entered college, and my father left my mum and I- as well as a guy I had been dating for six months because my problems(ie the divorce) were too much for him. A peek later at Facebook I had discovered he was gay. I was very vulnerable at the end of it all, and ended up calling JD(*name has been changed) and he came up the next weekend. Like the past times, feelings came flooding back and I instantly wanted to be close to him and the person I thought he was before. Not that that is hoe I understood it at the time, all I got then was that he there. I also didn't understand that I was trying to connect myself to a time when things had been constant and normal.
   About a month in, things progressed. I didn't meet many new people ad I spent a chunk or the week driving the two hour trek to his place just so he could stay at my dorm for a few days. His mom didn't like me, I wasn't Christian and I was a threat to her son leaving the house.  About two months later he left again, like the first time- for another girl. And the day I drove away from his driveway was the last day I saw him. So you can imagine my confusion at my dream. While I won't call him- I deleted his number years ago- I realized that there are many things I am still reflecting on from my relationships. I could write a novel about it, but that has been done. I dated other guys in-between JD and two after. I am wondering if there are things about Rogue*, the guy I thought was going to propose to me this Spring, that I one day will recognize as bad or something I should have appreciated more.
   And so I leave today with these words of wisdom. Do what you want to do, do it today, and do them for you. Sometimes you have to be selfish.